Despair

Hello world, I am sad. I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed and i'm starting to feel hopeless. I was so sure everything was going to be okay and eventually go my way for 3 months, mainly because everything WAS going my way. I had a lovely boyfriend, who I adored very much and fell head over heals for. I could've done things differently, yes, but I did give my all and actually tried in this relationship. We broke up last Friday. I already knew the night before, so I got my crying over with, thank god! I'm content with everything that had happened, but I keep thinking back to some good times and they always end up leading to him. I am bisexual, which is a good thing because right now I hate boys so much! I am starting to like a girl. She goes to my school and likes me back...she's gorgeous. My best friend, Abbie, recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2&1/2 years!!!!!! So basically her entire high school experience so far was with him. She's always had a huge thing for him. She is destroyed, I can tell. I feel so bad and helpless. I'm terrible at helping people and giving advice. Everything does happen for a reason, though. Another thing that has me overwhelmed is, you guessed it, SCHOOL. Friken school. JKFLDJASGFKLDHJASKFJ. I have an enormous amount of hatred for school. School is the root of most of my problems. Math (geometry, to be more specific) has become extremely difficult for me to understand. I personally dislike my teacher because I do not get her way of teaching; it's so confusing! I just want my old algebra teacher back. She's the best math teacher I have ever had! She's the reason why I am so good at algebra. I'm so nervous that I wont be able to get into the school I want to get into, or be what I want to be because of my grades! I have said this many times before, but it is true. Things that have changed recently: I'm on independent study for Chemistry and i'm doing much better. I am going to be doing a vet tech internship senior year. I have applied for work experience, meaning I am able to drop my electives and leave 6th period everyday and work more hours. I am going to be taking an online English 10 course during the summer to make up for English credits I didn't get my Sophomore year because I failed the first semester. Two things i'm nervous about: Talking to my grandparents about emancipation(i'll get more into detail later) and talking to them about moving to Forest Chartermy senior year. I have been wanting to go to Forest Charter since 8th grade, but my grandparents never let me because they do not believe I have the work ethic, which is true. But, I know that if I transfer to Forest Charter, I will have much improved work ethic and better grades. The way Forest Charter is works better for me because I learn differently than most. They indivisualize a program suited for my needs and the way I learn. They also get me a teacher I would meet with once a month (with my grand parents) to check up on me and see how i'm doing. Forest Charter is a much better option for me, and I need my family to understand that. If I don't go to Forest, I will not be able to graduate high school. The graduation requirements, homework, and amount of homework is too much stress for me, I will crack. Now, let me tell you about the "emancipation plan". My plan was to talk to my grandparents about me getting emancipated because I can not stand to live at home, i'm too sad and depressed and I feel so isolated from everything and everyone. I feel like i'm being too sheltered from the world and it's causing me to rebel. I know they love me and want the best for me, but it's not a good environment for me to grow up in or to live in. There's too much yelling and arguing, and my grandpa is too close-minded and short-tempered. My grandma is more sympathetic, but she still is short-tempered and close-minded. They say I can talk to them about anything, but when I do I either get yelled at, or they take it personally and make it all about them. While the emancipation process is happening, Dominique, my other best friend, and I plan to get an apartment with a responsible, working, 18 year old who has a car and who we trust enough to live with. We have already started looking at apartments, but i'm scared it wont work out and i'll be miserable for another two years. It'll get to the point where I will purposely get myself kicked out of the house. That is all for now, thank you for reading, I will do something more uplifting next Wednesday.

Dolls Kill- the website

Dolls Kill is one of my absolute favorite websites! Their items are a little bit on the pricey side, but they're definitely worth it if you're into the things they have. Every time I go on their website, I want to cry because I just want everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, on there. Their shoes are definitely my favorite. All of their items on their website are by multiple brands. The platforms are mostly made by Y.R.U., like these pink Ballet Bae shoes located on the top left corner of this page. They have these shoes in White, Black and Pink. I want every single color because why not?! I think the pink are feminine and fun, the black are bad ass, and the white are blinding in a way. They cost $135 on their website. I love platforms because then I feel tall for once (I'm barely 5'2")...these shoes would probably make me average height, so 5'6" or so. Below, I will try to show you my top five favorite items on their site and the price, but that's going to be a difficult task considering I want everything. The link for their website is located here, just click on it!---> http://www.dollskill.com/

1) Black Sorcery Bodycon Dress-$76.00

2) The Apocalypto Crop Top-$68.00
 (The model happens to be Teale Coco, whom I talked about in my previous blog)

3) Need You dress-$39.00

4) Flashing Lights Cropped Jacket-Regular: $125 -Sale:$87.50

5) Rose Qozomopolitan Platforms-$166 (also in red)